Complications in the Process

On October 22nd she came bursting into our lives amid the sounds of ships on River Street. That call was followed by an email with a picture attached. We named her Mae that night and I began praying that we would be able to bring her home quickly and that she would know Jesus. As of Monday afternoon things have changed. Those prayers I thought I was praying for my daughter may turn out to have been for a little girl in Ethiopia who I will never know. There are complications in her situation that at best may draw out this process for months and even years and at worst may have rendered her unadoptable.

The choice is ours whether to continue in this process in light of this new information or to ask for another referral. The cold hard facts seem to make for a clear choice. Since I do not buy into the ridiculousness that is the old heart and head distinction (Don't think, feel!...ugh) I would expect to be struggling with this less than I am. And yet the truth is that we have become very attached to the little baby in those pictures and, even though we don’t know her, she feels like she is ours. It feels like we are abandoning her.

We’ve prayed, talked, and sought counsel for two days and we know that we need to ask the agency to move us back in line for another referral. If this little baby never comes to live in my house then I am certain that my prayers for her have not been in vain. I am a strong believer in the providence of God and we will be certain that the child who calls me Dad will be exactly the one he has for me. There were no mistakes in the process.

I have been reading Psalm 119 over and over again for months:

“It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn from your statutes.” (119:71)

“I know, O Lord, that your judgments are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.” (119:75)

I’m so challenged by these verses and have thought often that I want to be the person who remembers to thank God in the bad times as well as the good. And I don’t want it to be just the right words. I want it to be heartfelt trust that these circumstances will truly lead to His glory and my good. Well, here’s my chance. And I do trust that God is good and does good (119:68). We don’t know why this adoption took this turn but we know it was no accident.